J.T. Brown
“Hope he rekindled,
and in hope ended”
Somehow Dad survived the heartbreaking loss of our mother and Providence brought him to Pauline. We are thankful for their companionship, gentle teasing, mutual care, and deep adoration evident to all who caught glimpses of their life together. “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” (Haldir, 'Lothlórien') Their love blossomed in the midst of grief and illuminated the dark valley of chronic illness, and now death.
When Dad was first diagnosed, I feared that this would alienate him further from God who had so deeply disappointed him in the loss of our mom. Much to my surprise, Dad experienced a growth in faith and a tangible transformation in gentleness, kindness, and mercy. He knew how to be strong, but he learned how to receive from others the help he increasingly needed. And he would often say that God was teaching him through this illness. “Out of doubt, out of dark, to the day's rising, he rode singing in the sun, sword unsheathing. Hope he rekindled, and in hope ended; over death, over dread, over doom lifted; out of loss, out of life, unto long glory.” (Éomer's Song , 'Many Partings') Dad had an incredible capacity for hope and he faced the future without fear.
Sometimes Dad would question his value apart from his ability to perform physical tasks. Around his grandchildren, Dad would light up and I would remind him that he as a human being was having unique interactions with these little ones that would shape the rest of their lives. I told him I had no idea what it was like to face such severe limitations and I could imagine it would be easy to fall into despair, but he always surprised us. He chose to get a feeding tube when he had vowed never to accept that measure. He clung to life at the end far beyond our wildest imagination.
During Dad’s record-breaking stay at Hospice of Dayton, Nancy and I talked about our faulty long-held notion that we would probably live about as long as our mother. In view of Dad’s approach to life and the fact that we both now have two beautiful children who we yearn to accompany into life for as many years as possible, we talked about our need to imitate Dad. His life was not easy, but he embraced it whole-heartedly. Our lives so far have been relatively easy, and we have been holding back at least some because of our suspicion that we might not live past 46. “The Road goes ever on and on; Out from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, Let others follow it who can!” (Bilbo’s Walking Song in Rivendell )
The last few years were very special even though it was hard to watch such a strong man go through such humiliations, yet he endured them with amazing grace. My dad taught me so much about following your dreams, determination, speaking from your heart, and loving from the depths of your soul. I am so glad he is now together with his big brother, mom, dad, and other loved ones, and more than anything else that he could find the humility to lean on the everlasting arms and hide himself in the rock cleft for him.
In Lieu of Flowers, donations can be made to the following organizations:
http://www.myositis.org/ http://www.hospiceofdayton.org/
