One who Yearns to Know

Just finished chapter one of 'La's Orchestra Saves the World' by Alexander McCall Smith, a Christmas present from my husband. The chapter begins with two grown men traveling in a Bristol to their childhood home in Suffolk. Their mission is to inquire about La, short for Lavender, who apparently raised them at least for part of their youth. La is now dead, but they go to their childhood home and are greeted by the new owner. She agrees to tell them about La's orchestra and presumably about La herself.

When asked to tell them more, Mrs. Agg explains the nature of memory in small locales: "In this village, there's not a great deal to do. But remembering is something we're rather good at in these places. Have you noticed that? Go to any small village anywhere in the world, and see what they remember. Everything. It's all there - passed on like a precious piece of information, some secret imparted from one who knew to one who yearns to know. Taken good care of."

I resonated with this yearning to know. After my mom died and I had become a young adult, I travelled across the country to see relatives who might tell me something I didn't know about my mom. I found her address book and wrote all of the people that I remembered her talking about as well as some people who knew her in our first two years in Ohio before she died. Unfortunately, I didn't gain much insight from this quest. Hardly anyone actually responded to my letters (possibly they didn't receive them as the addresses might have been old.)

Twice there have appeared out of the blue opportunities to learn more about my mom. The first came when I lived in Pittsburgh and my maternal grandmother told me that she had a box of letters that my mother had written while she was stationed as a pediatric nurse in Japan as a young adult. There were a ton of letters as she wrote her 'Mum' at least once a week, sometimes more, during those two years.

Through those letters, we discovered that my dad almost missed the opportunity to marry her, as she had quite a few suitors. Fortunately, she was transferred to Chanute AFB in Illinois when my dad was there for Officer's Training School. Parts of her personality emerged too and I felt like I was getting to know her as an adult.

Then just a couple of years ago at my sister's baby shower, I discovered that my mother had called one of my sister's best friends quite often during the year she was ill. Mrs. Wasserman told me that they talked for hours at a time and mom poured out her heart to her about the pain of facing the reality of her terminal illness and dreading leaving her family behind. Mom never talked about these kinds of things with us, but we also didn't know she was going to die until shortly before her death. Now that I'm a parent, I am starting to understand how difficult those decisions must be whether to share many details with your children or to try to protect them from pain.

To return to the quote about 'yearning to know', I wonder how little I yearn to know things of significance. Our culture works hard to draw us into the scintillating and tantalizing items of tabloid journalism. But what is really worth yearning to know? This theme reminded me of how the angels long to look into these things (I Peter 1:12) - concerning how "in God's great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade..."

The yearning to know also connects with the desire language I've studied for my dissertation. As I continue to study Macarius, I've noticed that he presents 'Rest' through the language of basic needs and highest desires. He calls 'Rest' our food, drink, fire and clothing, but also burning passion, light, and glory.

Sometimes in the Scriptures, the language of desire is used for evil desires. For example, one place shows the downward path of desire: "each one is tempted when, by his own desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." (James 1:14-15)

Let us remember at this season that the Messiah is called the Desire of the Nations. "In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land. I will shake all nations, and the Desired of all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory." (Haggai 2:6-7) Let me not be satisfied with lesser things, although they may be tantalizing, interesting for a short-time, but may our Creator shape our desires and yearnings, to know what is significant and worthwhile.

"Sages leave your contemplations

Brighter visions beam afar

Seek the great Desire of nations

Ye have seen his natal star

Come and worship, come and worship" ('Angels from the Realms of Glory')