Progress

Yesterday, my writing finally began at 2:30 pm and by the time I needed to pick up Sarah, I had written 2-3 additional pages. Today, I realized I needed to install MS Word 2007 on our desktop computer in order to read the new files I've created for my dissertation. (Tom is off work for the rest of the week and wanted to use the laptop that has Word 2007 installed.) So I spent some work time making that transition. Unfortunately, I didn't write anything today. I did read a little bit of Greek from Mark and II Timothy. My Greek recognition is definitely much better than a few years ago and that is an encouragement. Last night, I found a dissertation support group online that I've decided to use on a limited time basis. It's at www.academicwritingclub.com and for $70 I will be a part of a group of people writing their dissertations, committing to writing at least a little five days a week, sharing strategies, encouraging each other online, and one coaching call. It's worth checking out and I'm hoping it will fuel more progress. I've definitely been realizing already that the hardest part about writing is sitting down and starting. The other key is planning out my work so I know what's next. These are the two things I want to work on in the short term. In the long term, I need to figure out the overall plan, i.e. what's needed to get the dissertation completed in 2009!

What's next after Christmas?

We drove home from Christmas in Ohio early last night and now it's the first morning of life without a part-time job! Normally, I would be going to work tonight, but I will be at home instead! Starting tomorrow, my focus will be the dissertation while Sarah goes to daycare (Tuesday through Thursday). Starting today, my job involves caring for Sarah, bringing order to our home, and probably some cleaning. The upstairs rooms are quite dusty, the kitchen counters have dirty dishes, and the kitchen floor looks like dried dog slobber mixed with dirt and salt, i.e. could use some serious scrubbing. So my work is cut out for me. I'll try for a little progress every day...

Last night, I read the beginning of Mommy Mantras, a little book of reflections for moms. The first chapter is about anger and realizing when the 'pump is already primed'. When circumstances have already made a mom go 'on the verge' of screaming, sometimes only a silly little thing will throw her over. I found myself in this predicament last night in the Culver's restroom on our drive home. I had forgotten to bring in a pull up so on our first trip to the bathroom, in the middle of dinner..., I noticed the pull up was soggy, but didn't have a replacement. So at the end of the meal, we had to return after Tom retrieved a fresh pull up. The stalls were both busy, so I tried to help Sarah change next to a plant that happened to have beautiful, , large, shiny snowflakes on it. She wanted to touch these, reaching out, throwing her body off balance, as I tried to change her. It was frustrating. Pretty soon, I was starting to yell. When I was strapping her into the car, she now had her winter coat on (it had been warm enough earlier that she didn't need it, and the straps were too tight at first. So she was crying that the straps were too tight - I loosened them, but not enough for her liking. Then we drove off and I was yelling at her to calm down. A little thing turned into a huge emotion storm! What I gathered from the authors of 'Mommy Mantras' is that I need to be aware when the pump is primed and that awareness can help me stop myself before I go into an unnecessary 'rage'. I'll try that today...

This morning, Sarah and I will pick up Annabelle from the 'doggy hotel'. We've missed her so much. Someone gave Sarah a 'mini-Annabelle' plush dog for Christmas and right away, she started missing Annabelle more, as did we.

I awoke this morning to see the headline on Sunday's Milwaukee Journal Sentinel 'Israeli bombs kill 230 in Gaza: Unprecedented attack draws protest; U.S. blames Hamas'. So as we were safely driving home from Ohio, terror rained down on Palestinians. Apparently, an election for Prime Minister is coming up in a few weeks and the Defense Minister has aims on a higher post, feeling that Israelis have wanted greater security and the current administration hadn't made that happen. So he may be elected on the wave of a grand attack, but his people will most likely face even greater suffering as a reaction to this 'pre-election security quest'. Our prayers are with those who suffer and for some outbreak of peace in the future.

Freed Up to Focus

Tonight was my last night as a part-time medical transcriptionist. I told Tom tonight that my best Christmas present this year is the opportunity to leave this job, to have all of my energy and time to focus on getting my dissertation completed and caring for our family. An added bonus of course for the winter season is not having to drive to work in snow and ice at 10 pm twice a week. Now that the job is behind me, I am freed up to research and write. I noticed a book on Tom's night stand tonight entitled 'Execution: The Discipline of Getting Things Done'. It's geared towards the business world, but I think it is a good theme for me in the coming months. What do I need to do day by day to get my dissertation done? Plotting a course and making small steps will eventually lead to completion. How sweet it will be to be finished!!

Advent: 'being small and empty'

"...Finally, when Advent seeps into our souls, we come to understand that small is not nothing and empty is not bereft. To be small is to need, to depend on the other. Smallness bonds us to the rest of the human race and frees us from the arrogant isolation that kills both the body and the soul. To be empty is to be available inside to attend to something other than the self. We become full of the blessings of life.

Then, emptied out by the awareness of our own smallness, we may have the heart to identify with those whose emptiness, whose poverty of spirit and paucity of life is involuntary. Then, we may be able to become full human beings ourselves, full of compassion and full of consciousness."

-Joan Chittister National Catholic Reporter, Dec 12, 2003

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1141/is_7_40/ai_111616658

Sleep Deprivation

I awoke last night to hear my husband reading "Goodnight Moon" to our daughter and I was genuinely thankful in my heart to know that he had heard Sarah before I had and was letting me sleep. That was at 1:30. He lulled her to sleep but then about an hour later, she awoke again. Then I took my turn and after a video, a couple of books, and a bottle, we were back to bed around 4:30 am. Then around 5:45, Sarah screamed apparently from either a night terror or teething. She just needed to be held close and with some gentle swaying, she fell back into a deep sleep. We slept until 8:30am and then thankfully were able to take a nap from 12 to 3pm! So the day has not been very productive, but is that the same thing as useful? How funny that this night and day has followed this course as I had began to make some resolutions about becoming more 'useful'.

am I useful?

My husband and I were discussing today's sermon about the Hot, Cold, and Lukewarm passage in the third chapter of Revelations. From his time in Turkey and a sermon he once heard while at Miami University, he explained that this passage was in part about being useful. Apparently Laodicea had to get its water via extensive aqueducts whereas one nearby metropolis was known for its mountain springs with cold water and another with hot springs for spa enthusiasts. Not only were the Laodiceans wealthy with tremendous linen, banking, and medical industries, they were apparently not allowing these resources to be used for God's glory. They also failed to realize their need of God.

I found these notions to be interesting as being a mom to a one year old is a challenging life of which the 'useful' output is not always easily measurable. At the same time, I'm working when I have free time on my dissertation and that is not nearly producing as tremendously great measurable volumes of work as I would aspire to (i.e. 30 some pages written in the past 6+ months!) So now I want to spend some time this week reflecting on what it means to be useful and asking myself if I am useful to God, available for His use, and trying to spend some intentional time laying myself at his feet each day to be reminded of his rightful ownership of my life. Who owns me? What is my focus? What does it mean to be useful?